The "5-2 Crime Poetry Weekly" Blog Tour

National Poetry Month is drawing to a close, and it's been such a wonderful opportunity during the "30 Days of the 5-2" blog tour to celebrate the poetry that is published at "5-2: Crime Poetry Weekly" presented by Poetic Justice Press (@PJPress on Twitter). I'd like to thank Editor Gerald So for allowing me to participate in this fabulous tour!


The poem I'd like to profile is called, "Twelve Apologies" by Ray Succre. For an extra bonus, click below to listen to Ray reading this entertaining piece of confessional poetry. 

TWELVE APOLOGIES 

Mr. Arnolds, my neighbor five years ago: It was me. I'm the one who ran over your cat. I didn't even see it. I'm sorry that I suggested your daughter may have done it. I'm sorry.

Jan Arnolds: See above. I'm sorry.

Grandma J.: The coat you bought me last year? The one I always say I've just taken off whenever you call? I drunkenly lit it on fire five months ago. I'm sorry.

Amad, my old friend: Remember when I threw that monstrous party and you passed out, and by morning, some measly person had stolen your cigarettes and poured soup on your crotch? They gave me some of the cigarettes not to say anything, and the soup was my idea. I'm sorry.

My ex, Andrea: When I lost my job because of corporate cutbacks? That was a lie. I told my boss that if she talked to me that way again, I'd piss on her head. She fired me. I'm sorry.

Bookstore On the Bay: It was me. I stole all those books. I figured out how to remove the magnetic strips, and would do so while chatting up your clerk. I did this daily. He thought we were pals. I read all of the books I stole, at least. One a day for almost an entire summer. I'm sorry.

Little Lisa: We only went out for a single day in the third grade, and we broke-up because I wouldn't give you my pen. Listen, I told everybody we did it. I'm sorry.

Laurel, a waitress in Olympia, Washington: That guy who stole my wallet off the counter while I was in the restroom, which made me unable to pay for my coffee that one time? I didn't own a wallet. I'm sorry.

Safeway of America, Inc.:  I was the one who stole Eraserhead. I gave you the wrong phone number which truly was an accident because I'd just moved into a new place with a new number, but you didn't check my I.D. and when I was about to sign the little rental agreement, I noticed the phone number I'd given had pulled up the first name "Esther", so, quickly and unfortunately for Esther and your company, I signed it "Antonio Banderas" and never returned the video. I'm sorry to you and I'm sorry to Esther and I'm sorry to Mr. Banderas, as well.

To a certain couple: Red fruits don't cause Alzheimer's disease. I made it up. You can start eating strawberries again. I'm sorry.

To Aaron from sixth grade: Though it’s been twenty years, I've still got your Nintendo game, Bionic Commando.  I convinced you I had given it back and that you had lost it, but I just hadn't beaten the game yet. I moved to the other side of the country with it. I'm sorry.

To Kat, a neighbor in a high-rise apartment building I once resided in: Sixteen years ago, I needed to make a local call and my phone service had just been disconnected. You had offered to let my use your phone for local calls. I knocked but you weren't home. Later, I found the telephone service grid on the second floor, so I spliced into your line with my room's phone, thinking that it wouldn't really matter as long as I switched it back when I was done. When I picked up to make my important call, you were home and you were ordering something on it. The salesclerk couldn't figure out what ordering number your item was supposed to have, so you had to explain to him (and though you didn't know it, to me) that it was the jelly-apparatus on some page 36 . The Rhino II, I think it was called. I didn't mean to overhear it. I hope everything worked out and I'm sure blue was a wonderful color. I'm sorry.

I think that confessional poetry might be fun to experiment with; how about you?

Antenna TV

Fans of yesteryear television, rejoice! Antenna TV (shows you used to watch using an antenna) is now available ~ depending on your TV provider and area. Enter your zip code to see if it's available where you live. Sadly, it is not currently available on DISH network or DIRECTV.

We're talking a channel devoted to such shows as All in the Family, Soap, Maude, Good Times, Hazel, The Three Stooges, Dennis The Menace, Three's Company, Here Come The Brides, The Monkees, The Partridge Family, and so many more ~ and movies, too.

To think I gave up ballet lessons on Saturdays so I wouldn't miss The Monkees; certainly no VHS available back then. I just had to wait 40 years to see it on TV on a regular basis again (well, I did buy some DVDs of the shows in recent years, and I've seen The Monkees ~ minus Mike Nesmith ~ in concert several times).

The Network launched on January 1, 2011, with a Three Stooges marathon.

You can follow @AntennaTVOnline on Twitter or "like" Antenna TV on Facebook.

If you have this channel, which show(s) are you interested in seeing? I can't wait to watch Soap again (and Here Come the Brides, and All in the Family).

TV Land, which has been around many years, has quite a line-up of shows, too. Gunsmoke, Bonanza, I Dream of Jeannie, Sanford and Son, and many more. You can also find TV Land on Facebook and Twitter @tvland.

Jerry Seinfeld Personal Archives

Seinfeld fans, rejoice!

Visit www.JerrySeinfeld.com to view three video "bits," chosen from Jerry's 30 years of comedy. The clips will only be available for 24 hours before Jerry chooses three new clips. Check Jerry's tour dates to see if he's coming to a city near you.

In 1989, my brother asked if I had seen The Seinfeld Chronicles; I hadn't. When the show later became simply known as Seinfeld, he'd ask, "Are you watching Seinfeld yet?" and I'd say, "No...I haven't gotten around to it yet," because of my alternating shifts. He'd insist, "You have to watch it!" I'd say, "Yeah, yeah...one of these days."

I finally caught my first episode in late 1992, and it turned out to be "The Contest," which later won an Emmy.  I immediately knew what my brother had been talking about. I called him and went on about how much I loved Seinfeld. I've been watching it ever since.

I lost my brother ten years ago this month. He was 37 years old when he was killed in a motorcycle accident on May 20, 2001. He is missed dearly.

When I watch Seinfeld, I feel like my brother's laughing right alongside me. It's a great comfort.

Follow the official Seinfeld page on Facebook. You can catch re-runs on TBS.

Clerk Retains Stick-up Note - Robber's Name on Back

Bruce Manlove
photo via Doverpost.com

A quick-thinking convenience store clerk retained a stick-up note from a robber who demanded cigarettes. They argued over the note -- which simply stated, "This is a robbery," but the clerk held onto it and the robber fled.

Shortly after, patrol officers in Dover, Delaware, stopped the robber's vehicle, which contained 17 packs of Newport cigarettes.

Even if the officers hadn't pulled over the vehicle, the stick-up note had 36-year-old Bruce Manlove's name on the back of Department of Corrections paperwork. He had been released from DOC custody on April 11 -- but he's right back where he started from, after failing to post $6,500 bail.

Manlove was charged with robbery, terroristic threatening, disorderly conduct, and trespassing.

War Story Wednesday: Cops by Mark Baker

Cops: Their Lives in Their Own Words by Mark Baker is a book of police war stories, first published in 1985. The stories are wild. Police work has changed quite a bit since then, but it remains an eye-opening collection.

Here's a 2002 review which captures the content quite well.

A preview is available online via Google Books.

Page 28 contains a harrowing story of a rookie handling an accident with multiple fatalities; a warning, however: the tragedy involves young children. It certainly predates mandatory infant car seats and seatbelt laws, although in this head-on collision, a seat belt might not have saved anyone. It's a shocker.

The cover contains a blurb from Elmore Leonard: "As authentic as you can get...that's the way it is."

If you have any war stories you'd like to share, post them in the comments section, or write your own blog post and send the link ~ I'll update this page. If you're interested in writing a guest post here on War Story Wednesday, give me a shout @ katcop13 at gmail dot com.

War Story Wednesday: The Battery

 "The Battery"

One of my co-workers, a car buff who enjoyed restoring vehicles, banged in [cop talk for calling in sick] because he dropped a battery on his foot. (To appreciate this story, you should know that he was a bit of a whiner.)

Upon hearing this, my salty supervisor said, 

"It was probably a double A."

Got a war story to share? Enter it in the comments, or send me a link to your post and I'll update this page. 

War Story Wednesday: "A Breeding Ground..."

While working in Public Information, my partner received an telephone inquiry from a gentleman who lived in California. He and his wife were considering a move to a particular town (that shall remain nameless) in Suffolk County.

As police officers, we have to tread carefully when answering questions of this nature. There are ways to answer truthfully and diplomatically.

My partner chose to give him a direct, blunt reply.

"It's a breeding ground for criminals," he said.

The caller promptly notified his real estate agent, who in turn responded forthwith to her county legislator's office, who called the Police Commissioner.

My partner got in trouble.

Years later, that particular legislator resigned from his post when he pleaded guilty to bribe receiving in office. He worked out a deal, however, by working with the District Attorney's Office on a dozen other public corruption cases. Three years later, he served six months in jail, after pleading guilty to bribe receiving and scheming to defraud. Thirty-three other charges were dropped.

War Story Wednesday: ID Blunder

Welcome to War Story Wednesday, when I share a story from my days on the job, or share someone else's war story. I'd love to hear your war stories, so please feel free to participate in the comment section, or write a blog post and provide a link here, and I'll revise my post to include your link.

This story comes from a P.A. (Physician Assistant) who worked in the M.E.'s office.

A victim was found in the back seat of a car. He had been shot in the chest, the gun pressed right against his chest when it fired. In order to prevent the identification of the victim, the bad guy(s) cut off the victim's head and hands.

They failed to check his pockets, where the victim's wallet contained his identification.

War Story Wednesday: "Jail Mail'

Over at Women of Mystery, I share a story about my experience as a gal Friday in the early 80s, corresponding with inmates, before joining the Suffolk County Police Department in 1986. Stop by if you have a chance.

As always, if you have a war story you'd like to share, feel free to do so in the comments below, or provide a link to your post and I'll update this post to include it.

"Keep A Cop Bored" video

Check out this light-hearted video "Keep a Cop Bored" to encourage drivers to stay home to drink.

Thanks to videographer Frank Vespe, the East Hampton Police Department, and all the parties involved who supported this project. Check out Erin Geismar's story of the video in Newsday. The video stars East Hampton Police Officer Matt Rodriguez, and the voice over is provided by WKJY "KJOY" radio DJ Steve Harper.

Twitter fans: Don't forget, Thursdays are "Thank-a-Cop-Thursday," using the hashtag #tacop.

May everyone have a safe New Year's!

War Story Wednesday - A Masked Intruder

A frightened family in a residential area awoke to loud, strange noises in the lower level of their home during the early morning hours. They called 911 and remained upstairs until patrol officers arrived.

The family members let us in. Guns drawn, we checked out the house. It turned out to be a raccoon that came in via the chimney, landing in the fireplace. The critter ran across the piano keys, tried desperately to find a way out (ruining some window treatments in the process), and scared the heck out of the occupants.

We were relieved the bandit was a four-legged one, who was promptly shown the door. The family probably replaced or repaired their chimney cap the next day.

If you have a War Story to share, by all means, enter it in the comment section, or leave a link to your post.

War Story Wednesday - An Overheard Conversation

An actual exchange I heard in the precinct, between a fairly new police officer and a seasoned, salty desk sergeant, who often butted heads:

The Rookie: "You don't like me because I'm Jewish."

The Sergeant: "I don't like you because you're a f***ing a**hole."

War Story Wednesday - The Foreign Object

In the early 1990s, while working the Second Precinct desk in Huntington, an agitated gentleman walked into the precinct demanding to know what this foreign object was that someone threw into his swimming pool. It was made of glass and filled with a liquid substance. The desk sergeant, one of the funniest men I've ever met, heard the conversation and came to the desk to take control of the situation before we even had a chance to respond. He took the object and before he could even get a good look at it, dropped it. It broke, and we instantly knew what it was ~ a stink bomb. We left the poor sergeant alone and disappeared to laugh our butts off. He was very embarrassed about the incident and we of course never let him forget it.

If you have a War Story to share, feel free to enter it in the comments below or provide a link to your blog post should you decide to write one.

War Story Wednesday - The Frozen Hot Dog

Welcome to another installment of War Story Wednesday. Please feel free to share a war story, or include a link where readers can find your war story.

Today's flashback is about a call I handled in 1988. It was an unusual aided case (someone who is sick or injured). Among the volunteer firemen who responded to this call after my arrival included the man I would marry less than a year later.

It seems the complainant (the person calling the police), a twenty-something woman, was in a predicament. She had a frozen hot dog stuck to the delicate skin of an orifice south of the border.

I remember wondering why she didn't just let it defrost.

The guys loaded her up in the ambulance and took her to the hospital.

I always knew my courting days with my husband were unique.

War Story Wednesday - The Hunters

Welcome to another War Story Wednesday. If you have a "war story" that you'd like to share, by all means, either enter it in the comments below, or provide a link to your story, and I'll update this page.

Today's memory is about a 911 call I received ~ an anonymous call about hunters in a wooded area and marsh, next to a residential area. Brian, the officer in an adjoining sector, responded with me on the call. We parked our patrol cars near an unoccupied vehicle that we suspected might belong to the alleged hunters.

As Brian peered into the interior of the car with his flashlight, he said, "Uh-oh, it looks like they got one."

I braced myself, wondering what kind of dead animal would be in the back seat. Brian kept completely quiet as I walked around to the side of the car. I looked, and staring back at me was a Garfield plush toy with suction cups on its paws stuck to the rear passenger window.

Brian had a dry sense of humor ~ he always kept me laughing. By the way, we didn't find any hunters that night.

Google Instant

Google just rolled out "Google Instant," which should shave off time when conducting searches; it shows results as you type, before you're even finished typing. It also attempts to predict what you're searching for; if Google gets it right, you can stop typing.

Richi Jennings at Computerworld has been monitoring the reaction of folks who are using the new feature, which can be turned off if you don't like it.

Last year, I wrote a blog post over at Women of Mystery about Google searches. I never laughed so hard as I wrote a blog post. If you have a minute, check it out.

This reminds me of "SuperCook.com," where you enter some ingredients you have on hand, and it immediately lists many recipes to choose from. This helps when you've spent too much time on the computer and you realize you must make dinner, and don't know what the heck to make.

I'm still headed for the supermarket ~ after I go to the library first.

War Story Wednesday - Debut: Fireworks

I'd like to propose a Wednesday meme, called "War Story Wednesday." All cops have "war stories." The public has them, too, regarding their own experiences with law enforcement.

One of my war stories won a "One Minute Writer" prompt of the day, regarding a police encounter. I'll use it to kick off "War Story Wednesday." An officer shared this experience with me when we had a moment to chat during one of the busiest tours of the year. It occurred in the late 1980s.

One Fourth of July, a fellow officer responded to a fireworks complaint - a resident said the guy next door was shooting off fireworks in his backyard. The officer found a man barbecuing in the buff. She asked him if he'd like to cover himself up. He said, "No." She explained the fireworks complaint, but he said, "Do you see any fireworks here?"

Before the officer turned to leave, she said, “Don’t burn your meat on the barbecue.”

I'm suggesting that others who would like to share a war story to join me on Wednesdays, by either posting on your own blog, or entering it in the comments section. I will update the post to include links. A story can be one you experienced, witnessed, heard from another cop, a legend, etc. These gems may be humorous, sad, uplifting, heartwarming ~ a spectrum of emotions.

Titles or no titles, short or long ~ let's share some great tales.

If you'd like to read some police war stories, check out:

Police link

Officer.com

Truecopstories.com (don't miss the Featured True Cop Story, "Big Fat Turkey")

Spread the word ~ on Facebook, Twitter, etc. My Twitter name is @katcop13.

GraphJams - What fun!

see more Funny Graphs

(Sorry for the cutoff; I'm not sure how to widen the blog page; click on the above graph to view the entire graph).

I recently discovered the existence of GraphJams after my blogmate, Clare, at Women of Mystery posted a very funny graph about typos, that was submitted by Maggie's Farm.

GraphJams comes from the folks at Cheezburger.com. All of the graphs are user-submitted. They even provide a chart builder for your convenience.

I've got a lot of ideas swirling around, but I've got an important deadline; I have a coveted spot over at the Watery Grave Invitational at The Drowning Machine. Twelve writers will be competing; the challenge issued was a crime story (3500 words or less) based on a theme of baseball. Wish me luck ~ I'm up against some heavy hitters in the crime fiction world!

Maybe after I've submitted my story, I'll dream up a graph and submit it to GraphJams. How about you? I bet you could come up with a great graph...why not give it a shot?